“So Thirsty” by Rachel Harrison

Talking about (and spoiling) the worst book I read in 2024

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“Speculating about alternate fates is a waste of time.” — from So Thirsty by Rachel Harrison.

Unfortunately, fellow readers, So Thirsty is also a waste of time. Be forewarned. Spoilers are ahead.

I’m sorry to say this. Really, I am. I enjoy a good vampire book as much as the next person. Heck, I enjoyed the Twilight series way back when it was first published and everyone was reading it. So when I heard that Rachel Harrison, an author I was unfamiliar with, had written a book described as “bloody” and “seductive” in which two women — not teens but women — who were on a girls’ birthday weekend get turned into vampires, I was on board.

So Thirsty started off fine. It had promise. Our heroine, Sloane, is fine, if maybe just a bit whiny. But she is married to an ass, so I’ll give her a pass on that. I won’t, however, give her a pass on her constant obsession with wrinkles and aging and Botox, given that she’s turning 36 and she’s not a model or actor or anything in which turning 36 is supposed to be seen as some death sentence. Where the book really starts going off the rails, however, is in the character of Sloane’s best friend, Naomi. I have never disliked — heck, hated — a character so much in all my reading life. Naomi is presented as some wild, free…